RIP Robin Williams: Our Favorite Robin Williams Quotes.

We are so sad to hear about the passing of our favorite comedian, Robin Williams.

As a tribute to this great man, we have assembled a collection of the best Robin Williams quotes. We hope you enjoy them and that this brings some happiness during this very sad time.

* “Death is nature’s way of saying, “Your table’s ready.”

* “Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”

* “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

* “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

* “We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”

* “My God. We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called cousins.”

* “Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”

* “Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.”

* “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus.”

* “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

* “Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”

* “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”

* “In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.

* “Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”

* “Reality: What a concept!”

* “The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, “Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.” She’s got a baseball bat and yelling, “You want a piece of me?”

* “What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.”

* “Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn’t work!”

* “We Americans, we’re a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we’ll bomb your cities.”

* “I like my wine like my women — ready to pass out.”

* “The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.”

* “You’ll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheney is drinking water, check that shit out.”

* “When you look at Prince Charles, don’t you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?”

* “[Before opening an envelope for best supporting actress]
I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, `Back up, I don’t know how big this gets.”

* “Comedy is acting out optimism.”

* “Cricket is basically baseball on valium.”

* “No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”

* “When in doubt, go for the dick joke.”

* “You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) ‘It’s the same sex all the time.’”

* “If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”

* (Talking about President George W Bush) “We have a president for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.”

* “The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, “Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?

* “But only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be.”

* “Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.”

* “Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!”

* “I’ve actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, “I’m in here when you’re walking around like that?

* “You’ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.”

* “We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.And medicine, law, business, engineering – these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love – these are what we stay alive for.”

* “Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.”

* “I’m looking for Miss Right, or at least, Miss Right Now”

* “I love running cross country….On a track, I feel like a hamster.”

* “And you have Bush, hearing about all the fighting over Kashmir, and saying, “What? It’s just a sweater!”

* “The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.”

* “My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist.”

* “Carpe per diem-seize the check.”

* “[on Michael Jackson]
Honey, you gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you’re a black man, then you’re Diana Ross, now you’re Audrey Hepburn. Then he’s got the little beard going on. He’s like Lord Of The Rings, the entire cast. Michael’s about to jump species.”

* “The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material”

* “Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.”

* “I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence. The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that.”

* “Shakespeare said, “Kill all the lawyers.” There were no agents then.”

* “They tell me now that SpongeBob is gay. SquarePants is not gay. Tight pants maybe. SpongeBob Hot Pants? You go, girl!”

* “What is a stealth bomber? It’s a bomber that doesn’t show up on radar, and you can’t see it. Then we don’t need one.”

* “When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I’m in.”

* “I had a lovely military flight, thank you. I love spiraling in — nothing like that to make your colon go, “Fire in the hole!”

* “We’re all worms, but I do believe I’m a glowworm.”

* “If you masturbated with your left hand, would it be like being touched by a retarded person?”

* “If you can remember the sixties, you weren’t there.”

* “Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not f**king empowered. When you’re stoned, you’re lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it’s a performance-enhancing drug is if there’s a big f**king Hershey bar at the end of the run. Then you’ll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, “I’m there!”

* “We’re dealing with fundamentalists… the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don’t try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you’re ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse’s ass, that’s a mechanic. Remember that.”

* “After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.”

* “The only weapon we have is comedy.”

* “Women! Can’t live with ’em, can’t live with ’em!”

* “I believe that once we are all gone, Keith Richards will still be here…with 5 cockroaches saying ‘you know I smoked your uncle, did you know that?’”

* “It’s a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you- when he comes down from the mountain and you see he’s this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.”

Thank you for all the laughs, Robin. May you Rest In Peace.